A Re-Introduction


3 min read

My name is Marilia and I am a Software Engineer turned Cloud/Security Engineer. A couple of years ago I created a profile on dev.to so I could document my journey into tech!
(You can read that post here)

In 2020, when my son was only 6 weeks old I decided to leave his abusive father. In January 2021 I decided to file for sole custody, which started a year-long battle that only ended in April 2022. Thankfully, in the end, I was awarded a protective order against my abusive ex, and given sole managing conservatorship of our son. In the midst of all of this, I signed up for some random courses, tried to find full-time employment, and then decided to start studying Software Engineering at Thinkful.

Looking back on it, I was not in a healthy mental space where I should have put myself through such an intensive program that I was supposed to finish in only six months. I did not give myself the time to heal and come to terms with the trauma I had been through.

It has only been a couple of months since I started to feel like the depressive fog I have been living in has lifted. I am usually a private person and only share my life with those who are closest to me. There are days when it feels as if I am still trying to escape, but those days happen less and less as time goes by. Through it all, my love for my son and my faith in Islam is what saved me from staying in dark spaces.

Now that I am in a much better place emotionally, mentally, and physically I can't help but feel I wasted my potential. But still, trying to find that balance where I am not overworking myself, and I am giving myself time and grace to rest has been difficult.

Because I feel as though I have wasted much of my life in unhappy, abusive relationships, I believe as though I have to do many things at once to catch up. I have a son now who is almost 3, and his mom decided to pursue a double Bachelor's in Cybersecurity Technology and Management Information Systems.

Besides attending university full-time, I over-exert myself by going through several different training programs and bootcamps, all with the hope I will land a better-paying job.

I have not been intentional in my learning and I realize just how much that has hindered my progress.

I decided to write this post as sort of a reset. Last weekend, I spoke with somebody who has inspired me to let go of the fear of being judged on the internet by what I post.

I am in a much better spot in life, and I feel like I can now properly document my learning journey. It's never too late to start, so I hope you join me for the ride!